Quantifying Time
by Whitewave42
Summary: On her birthday Maura does some reflecting. Set in the first year after Maura starts with BPD.


Maura had never understood why people were afraid of their birthday rolling around. They would cringe when anyone mentioned their new age, they would refuse to talk about the approaching date, they would lie about the actual number. It had never made any sense to her.

In Maura's estimation, the only reason the passage of time could be painful was if there had been nothing accomplished, if the invaluable resource had been wasted. She had always striven to do her best under any and all circumstances, so it had never been an issue.

In order to ensure her focus did not falter and her life was progressing as desired, Maura used the occasion of her birthday to take stock of the past year. She had been doing this since she had started school and had never missed a year.

As she lay in bed, awake despite the early hour, she decided to start with her professional life. This year she had attained a life-long goal of becoming the chief medical examiner for Massachusetts. She had personally performed two hundred and fifty six autopsies. She had provided the forensic evidence to convict thirty two murderers. She had testified in court successfully twelve times. She had published three articles in reputable medical journals.

It had been a very successful year for her professionally. She was at the top of her field, well respected and sought after.

Next she moved on to her physical self. She had maintained a healthy diet and exercise regime despite her increased workload. She had found a good yoga class and several running routes that allowed her to increase her general muscle tone and vitality. She had not developed any counterproductive habits or addictions. She got an adequate amount of sleep every night she wasn't called out to a crime scene, allowing her mental facilities to operate at peak efficiency.

Maura decided she was pleased with her physical year as well. If she continued in this fashion she should live a long and healthy life, excepting disease or airbag failure.

Now on to the aspect of her life that she usually found wanting; her social and emotional facets. In previous years Maura had been unable to find much to report; her emotional control ensured only minimal incidents of distress, always caused by outside influences outside of her control. Her social interactions had always been limited, with no close friends and no nearby family.

Maura smiled as she reflected on the differences this year. She had made friends since starting with BPD. The detectives in homicide included her regularly in Friday night drinks; she had been out with them on twenty two occasions so far. Her staff in the morgue responded favourably to her leadership, showing respect and admiration when they interacted. On thirteen separate occasions members of her team had thanked her for her help and mentoring. Nobody called her Queen of the Dead or Poindexter anymore, they called her Maura.

And of course there was Jane. The prickly abrasive detective had somehow become her best friend, despite the amount of times that Maura said something inappropriate or blunt, despite her odd ways of speaking and acting, despite her general weirdness. Somehow she now had a person that liked being around her, who in fact wanted to be around her. Even though Maura liked being in control of her life and emotions, she had quickly realised she liked this new aspect of variability better.

Although she acknowledged that this new job was more dangerous than her previous positions, she was thrilled to be at the front lines contributing to innocent people's peace of mind and ensuring violent criminals were kept out of society. In the same way, she was happy to put herself in a more vulnerable emotional position, allowing herself to rely on others for a portion of her happiness, because the risks were outweighed by the potential rewards. She enjoyed feeling needed and wanted; it was far preferable to being merely tolerated.

As she swung her legs free of the covers Maura smiled to herself. It had been a very good year. Everything in her thirty four years had led her here, and despite the disappointment and loneliness that had sometimes plagued her in the past she wouldn't change a thing. She knew where she was heading, she knew where she'd been, and she was happy.

* * *

So it's my birthday today and I was feeling a bit reflective, as I usually am on my birthday, so I decided to write. Enjoy!


End file.
